Relationships Matter!

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Love’s a game, and I suck at it.

The truth is, I only date crazy girls. I do not mean the partiers, the sloppy-seconds or the caffeine-addicted hipsters flipping me off in the morning. I am referring to those that I met streaking on a roof. Or those on suicide watch. Or, you know, those who pulled the classic “I think I have cancer” line when I say we need to break up.

So my taste may be a little odd. I merely begin with this to say that, though I like to think my opinions are valid, the truth is my experience seems to be a continuous rerun of the most awkward moments in chick flicks.

For any painful, crazed, hormonally charged relationship to begin, a couple must venture out upon the dangerous first date. Herein lies one of the most important questions of the relationship, “what outfit should be worn?” What look should be achieved? Does the guy really care at all about fashion?

In a word, no. Simplicity is always best. It saves us men, who are already reduced to stammering imbeciles by the idea of a date, from having to hurt your feelings by not commenting on how well your yellow top goes with your nautical blue jacket. Instead, we can retreat to the safety net of “your face, it’s pretty” and other romantic mumblings.

In reality, the best outfit for any occasion is a sundress. Ask any guy on campus. You can spend hundreds on the perfect accessories and outfit pieces, and they will never match the simplicity of a patterned sundress. Throw a white sweater vest over it if you want.

The same goes for accessories. As one who manages to pick the crazies, nothing shouts “insane” more than a bunch of rings. A small necklace adds a touch of class. Pick out some small earrings. But again, keep it simple. This is a first date. It’s about meeting someone you are considering having a relationship with. You don’t need to show off. You just need to be you.

Gentlemen, I have no words of advice. Wear nice clothes. And avoid girls who show up wearing cat ears. It just never works out.

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