Some people inevitably have beef.
Take Sammi and Ronnie from “Jersey Shore,” their volatile relationship and consequently his tirade on her beloved designer shades and their shared bedroom. If that wasn’t heated enough, take Charlie Sheen and the never-ending saga of Charlie and Alan Harper in “Two and a Half Men.”
Every duo, relationship or group is bound to have some tumultuous times, but the bottom line is, you don’t have to perpetuate it.
Take a breather, man. Contemplate a few of these tips.
Monitor your physiology, suggests “Sexual Fluidity” author Lisa Diamond. She argues that couples often get so involved and consumed in an argument and forget to breathe. If you feel your heart racing and your palms palpitating, take a series of deep breaths. If your eyes are ablaze, close them and just take a moment to yourself. Such a small behavior seems petty, but it can make a profound difference in the outcome of your spar.
When things begin to become heated, take a half-hour break from your beau and revisit the issue afterward. Studies shows this is ample amount of time to clear your head and provide clarity to the situation at hand. Revisit the conversation after the time apart.
Never, and I mean never, go to bed mad. Hash out everything before your head hits the pillow and you will wake up feeling much better. Engage in some residual angry sex while you’re at it and follow it up with some mushy gushy pillow talk. For
an extra hot-headed morning, start a steamy shower for two and take turns with the loofah and pleasure. Rinse and repeat.
Sometimes when you are on your toes in defense, the last thing on your mind is humor. However, adding a funny anecdote to interrupt the conversation can easily defuse the tension. Find something funny in your situation. If you can’t find anything
funny, trip and fall. I mean that. Inciting laughter will jump start endorphins in your brain, which will give both partners a time to compartmentalize what is really going on. The seconds spent laughing will remind you that, yes, you do love and enjoy each other, otherwise you would not be so heated, right?
Avoid accusatory statements beginning with “you” or “you never” and replace them with “I feel” statements. When combined with a calm and soft voice, this is a surefire way to diffuse an argument before it fuses into something hotter.
For an added bonus, enforce positive body language; stand with your shoulders and knees facing them and
avoid sighing or rolling your eyes.
An argument is not the time to kitchen sink, or simultaneously bombard your partner with problems. It is the time to reevaluate each other’s feelings and consider how your behavior affects those around you — which is sometimes the most difficult
thing to realize in the moment.
When engaged in an argument, it is almost always easier to play the blame game and point the finger away from yourself, but refrain. Assigning blame leads to more conflict. More conflict leads to less satisfaction and sex… and wait, does anyone want
Empathize with your partner. Sure, leaving the toilet seat up is annoying, but take the time to consider why you partner might behave in this way. Have they been stressed or distracted? Take extraneous changes in environment into consideration, because you are, after all, on their team.
Intimate partners are inclined to be the closest bond in your life, so take a few moments and realize at the heart of this argument, you are fighting for a better understanding of each other.